Cycle Breaking is the Ultimate High

When I was at my absolute lowest, still coming off of decades of psych drugs with heaps of unresolved, underlying trauma and was also reeling from being kicked off a cliff by my ex-husband when he lied for months to me about the affair he was having and who he eventually left for, I found myself in desolate isolation—friends he had smeared me to weren’t returning my phone calls, and I had virtually no support system other than the therapists and coaches I was working with, and they were even limited to the scheduled appointments I had. ⁣
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I was in the murkiest of waters, a full blown love addict/codependent that had nothing left to attach to. I come from a long line of codependents—people that cannot be alone and be with themselves fully and instead rely on externals to regulate emotions and self esteem, and really much of the westernized world is this way, conditioned from early ages through Disney princess/rescuer movies, Barbie + Ken, and a hyper vigilance to stay inside of attachments and relationships that are neither healthy or empowering. ⁣
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At the time I was in so much pain, but I had least had gained the awareness that my attachments to outside people, especially those who had abused me were a significant source of continuing pain for me. ⁣
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I remember one day, laying on my bathroom floor doing my 107,674th coffee enema, lol that I thought of the monks, squired away in monasteries in the hills of Nepal who intentionally choose to be alone and in solitude and when interviewed show high levels of contentment and peace and I thought to myself this is my goal—to learn be alone and to see how I felt. ⁣
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Fast forward 5 years later, after a ton of internal work I’m in a new home, away from everyone I know and for the first time in my life, I feel peace because I forged through that pain of breaking down those strongholds and attachments that had been passed down to me. ⁣
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Cycle breaking is the ultimate high.